I planned everything. I'm organizing as I act towards what I desire. I didn't plan to tell the whole world about this. I want to feel all the blessings that I'm getting. I want to enjoy it. I know if I would just stick on my job, nothing would happen and so I started to visualize God's dreams for me. But I didn't realize that there would be a person who would discourage me. Not just an ordinary person, but a person really close to me.
I'm a good listener. I know when to comment and when just to listen to friend's stories. That's why my friends love to tell their stories to me. They know if they did something out of this world, I would just smile and won't condemn them.
This morning, I was depositing my payment for a seminar. It's a 50% off seminar, and I want to take advantage on that. I would only pay Php 250. When this person asked me what was that for, I was skeptical if I would tell him. He won't understand anyway. I knew he really won't. But as I told you, he was really a very close person to me. The line in the bank was tremendous. Good thing, we knew an employee there and she helped us with the payment (sorry for those who were lined up earlier than us). When we're about to leave the bank, he asked again what was that for. I finally told him the truth that it was a payment for a seminar because I'm planning to venture to this small business with a small capital. He reacted violently with his loud voice. Most likely, he was discouraging me. It was painful. The lack of support from them since I was young flashed back from mind then traveled down to my heart which felt like a stab. I stayed still. I convinced myself I should understand him. I still talked to him pretending I wasn't not affected by his reaction. Waiting for the bus was so long, I wouldn't want to spend several more minutes beside him. I just wanted to be out of his sight to let my tears fall, but I continued pretending I was okay. The wait was so long and finally, a bus to Cubao arrived. I went down the car and waved - gesturing that I would already ride the bus. Inside the bus, I could still feel the pain. I was praying to God that He took away that pain and that I won't get discouraged and still continue to act to materialize my vision. God whispered to me that I should say yes this to Him this time.
I remember when I rejected Him when I was young. I didn't continue my organ lesson to be the organ player in our chapel. I was only a teenager that time. I would rather play, watch TV, or just stay home. I skipped the organ lessons until I found myself avoiding to hear Holy Mass in our chapel. Instead, I would attend Holy Mass in the town proper church. I didn't realize I was refusing Him. Until I read this blog from Bro. Bo Sanchez http://bosanchez.ph/god-will-use-you-if-you-say-yes/. I felt bad about this. I didn't imagine that since young, even though I have that desire to serve Him, I said no to Him. Now, with all passion, I know I'm slowly on my way back to where He wanted me to be many years ago. He could have been used me all those years. But now, I really know He wants me to serve. I am now willing to say yes to my Creator.
I have a wish today, I hope I could draw Ashe's boss towards Him as well. He's not prayerful-type of person but I know he's a member of chorale. Somehow, if his chorale group is singing for a Holy Mass, he's still serving. Somehow. I don't know how. Being with him, I could not find anyway. After weeks of thinking how to act on this dream, I finally took the risk. I wish he would find time to be bothered. It's for him and for his family.
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